Does age matter?
Yesterday my son's girlfriend broke up with him. They are just 17 years old. Does age matter? At this age it does. They had been dating for 15 months. That is pretty much a life time when you are teenagers.
Last year when they had met, being 16 was a pretty big deal. Their minds are more mature than at 15 and 14. They were sophmores in high school. My son went from being shy to knowing that this was the girl he wanted to open up to. He didn't want to make a big deal of it and didn't really tell us, his parents until about 4 months in. He wasn't big on social media so the maturity level of this relationship was far more than any adult even at my age.
They were just 2 days apart and she already knew what she wanted for the future. She was detailed oriented and had intellectual conversations about anything and everything. We were surprised and just knew that she was good for our son.
At age 17 or even at the age of 40 a broken heart is a broken heart. When things end, it still hurts.
Throughout their relationship they were both still learning how to be in one. Although she was in a relationship prior to him, this was his first real one. He had seen what his sister had gone through and vowed to not be like 'those guys". My son and daughter are 2 1/2 years apart and two different kids. Sometimes my son is more mature than my daughter in some aspects. It comes with the territory (face palm). One of the things that warms my heart is that even though my daughter is away at college and they don't talk that often, he will reach out to her with relationship questions when needed. I wouldn't find out until after the fact and I grew to be ok with that. They will forever have a special bond that makes this mom happy.
My son and his girlfriend never really had problems until recently. He wanted to talk things out but she became distant and worried about his feelings. There is something very familiar with that explanation and I know it all too well. I am going to be honest and say that she had high expectations and high aspirations for herself and we always respected that. My son doesn't really know what he wants to do except for attend a trade school. I don't know if that had anything to do with the breakup but we always told our son that it was ok to not want the same things. "You are still young, and will change your mind several times."
She had been holding on to these feelings for a while but didn't know how to tell him. They had agreed early on into the relationship that no matter what, they would talk about their feelings. This wasn't the case and he felt betrayed.
We made it clear that we would never speak ill of her. She was a great girl and still is. This is just one of many that may or may not work out. "Stay true to yourself and never change for anyone."
My son didn't come home when I expected him to and I was starting to get worried. Little did I know that she was calling it quits right then and there. On the way home the first person he called was his sister. With tears in my eyes, I would not have had it any other way. The fact that he was able to call someone to talk to about what had just happened, and it was his very own sister made my heart break and heal at the same time. My son just had his heart broken and he needed her and I am glad that she was there for him.
Today is a little different but he is ok. I gave him a hug and told him that things will be ok. He said "I know mom", and we continued with the morning. You see, he has the best heart of anyone we know at his age. He will do anything for anyone. He is that kid that will give a stranger/homeless man that last $20 in his wallet without even thinking twice.
He is shy. He is quiet. He tends to hide his feelings until he is ready to talk about them. He has battled some depression and felt ashamed of his thoughts. He has come along way and he knows that he has his parents whenever he needs us. This may be his real first heartbreak and I know he is hurting inside, but what I try to emphasize to him is that he is a good person and he can't blame himself. Sometimes things don't work out because there is another plan for you. Maybe she will be a part of his life later on, but for now, he has been given love and lessons with a beautiful girl.
A piece of my heart is broken for him as she became a part of the family. I know that the most important thing he needs right now is love, support and understanding. He needs us to be there to show him that he needs to keep standing tall and be the amazing kid that he is. As much as I do not like seeing my son sad, we are grateful for the love she gave him and the happiness she brought into his life. I know that the next chapter will be of growth and we want nothing but the best for the both of them whether they are together or apart.
I pray that his broken heart heals and that he knows that he gave her the best he could. As one door closes, another one opens.....