Today I had a meltdown. I didn’t care who saw it or heard it but it happened. I was tired of being tired. I didn’t care that I spent half the day in bed the day prior. Today I wanted to do the same thing and no one was going to stop me ….well they did but I sure did put up a fight.
I never said this road was easy. It sucks. Yes, I have plenty to be thankful for but the thoughts that enter my head consume me and it takes over. I start to not care about anything. My head has been pounding for days and no pill or caffeinated beverage can help it. I am so done. I feel defeated. I want so much in life that at times I feel like I am never going to get there. It is so overwhelming. I just want to scream and cry and then just get over it.
Not today satan. Today I was talked down from the ledge and brought to church. Clearly I need to say the Acts of Contrition Prayer because I am not doing a good job dealing with life on my own.
Today I was reminded of what I need to be thankful for. It’s still not easy because those thoughts in your head can fool you. They can get you good. So good that you believe them to be true and no one can convince you otherwise. Have you been there ? I know I am not alone but sometimes I just want to be.
Before I can help others I need to help myself. Yes. I know that to be true. I also know that sometimes we need to have our days so that we can collect our thoughts to try and start over again tomorrow. I had my whole weekend. Let’s pray I get through this week.